If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
