She said her name was "party"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
