Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
