Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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