she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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