Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
