so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
