just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
