So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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