your parents love me but you hate me
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
