Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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