I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
