There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Farmville is her only friend.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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