george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
