I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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