I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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