What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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