so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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