Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
