Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You left your phone here
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