Whod you bang
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
