Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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