i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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