like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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