you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
