Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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