My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
