Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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