We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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