Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
