I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
