mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
