I accidentally had phone sex last night
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
