so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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