so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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