??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
