is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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