I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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