Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
