left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
