Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
