Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
