dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
ttyl tear gas
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
