Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
