Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
