I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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