Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
