you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
