Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
