I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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