too bad you live with your parents still
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
