just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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