dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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