I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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