all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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