I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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