I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
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