the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
