good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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