Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
