No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
