She is in my trunk
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
