Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize