Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
