I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
