I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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