I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
