Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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