We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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