found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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